kristee ono

please dont expect anything of me

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Ron Talks To Kristee

I was on a podcast! listen to me talk about stuff!

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i wrote this three years ago and am wildly entertained by it

tile: wandering spies

hey, its been a while. you look great by the way. what have you been up to?

stupid banter between ex’s, thats what that is.

i am writing at the request (and/or demand) of my dearest friend. no names, as we are participating in semi-criminal activity. i am walking the line between stalking and harmlessly loving from three steps behind you. 

SO HERE YOU GO. a post i never posted. i started it ages ago, when it happened and i finished it today from memory. please excuse the changes in voice and tone, this was from about a year ago.


well this past sunday i went to go play the ponies with some good buddies of mine. the horse races are held at golden gate fields, where the bay goes to play. now contrary to what the name would make you believe, the fields are in albany. not new york but east bay. 

i am no longer allowed to operate a motor-vehicle. SO i had to take public transportation. granted the public transportation systems are great in the city and surrounding area it is still public transportation. traveling on someone else’s schedule.


my plan - muni to bart. that will get me to the east bay. i walk to west portal, in the rain. the weather was shitty. at west portal train i get on the l. sitting in the car i notice a cute boy with malcom x framed glasses. he is adorable an sitting facing me some distance away. i think we were aware of each other, he only noticing me, maybe, i staring at him through the heads of strangers. 

we ride from west portal on the l to civic center. i leave the train, he tavels on. at civic center i mourn my loss, buy my bart ticket and hop on the train to the east bay. 

now, it is a sunday so not all the trains are running.


i take the train to whatever stop brings me closest to the gg fields. there is a shuttle that goes to and from the tracks. i get off bart, and guess who comes off not but a few doors down, the very same cute boy with malcom x framed glasses. 


i freeze at the feet of fate. i do not know what to do. so i ignore this precious serendipitous gift and awkwardly shuffle over to the shuttle stop. coincidence, this is only a coincidence.

huddling in the rain i wait for the shuttle, reading the signs, times of arrival and departure, the last shuttle, how much it would cost if you split a cab with strangers. i keep an eye on the dude, just out of curiosity, when lo and behold, the cute boy starts walking over. i freeze again, just in case his vision is based on movement. 

he cant be walking over to talk to me. 

and dont worry, he wasnt. he is, though, on his way to golden gate fields too. we wait. board. and do not acknowledge we are destined to be together forever, through out time and across space. legendary true love and pony based prosperity.

i am flipping out on the inside but hold it together and text my buddies at the fields. 

now. because i dont have a printer, i didnt have my ticket with me and was bracing myself to wait in the rain again. 

off the shuttle we go. i get on my phone and start calling my friends, peripherally searching for my star crossed love. HE IS ON HIS FUCKING PHONE TOO! doing just the same god damn thing i am.

we both get off our phones and wait. 

my friends arrive and we go upstairs to the box seat lunch groupon bought deal. as i slip out of his grasp, i see his friends join him and they head inside.

again. lost. 

my friends and i split some nachos, quesadillas, and other appetizers, while pretending to be fancy pony playing high rollers. we pay for NOTHING. thanks group on. ALSO, we have so much coupon wealth, we give a little to a family with a cute baby. 

SO, the reason we came to golden gate fields, what we braved the elements for, are the $1 beer and hotdogs. so, a downstairs we go.

i use two of my credits for hotdogs which i stow away in my backpack. i then grab myself a beer. 

i turn to join my friends AND WHO DO I FUCKING SEE, that very same cute boy with malcom x framed glasses. 

i look him dead in the eye. i know this is the moment i have been waiting for my whole life, my ‘cant hardly wait’ turn of fate, my ‘amelie’ connection, i had not known true beauty til this moment. so i down the beer and run. 

i rejoin my friends and tell them the whole story, the muni, the bart, the shuttle and now this. they tell me i should go talk to him. i said, no, its too late. then i say, maybe, if i see him again. 

they say, ok there he goes. 

i turn around see him, he looks at me and i awkwardly shutter and collapse in on myself and turn right round.

so i left the fields, dejected, somewhat buzzed, very uncomfortable, one dollar poorer and devoid of destiny packaged true love. 

as, i said, this was all from memory. so this is how the story ends, and i have made myself depressed for no reason today.

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